Posted by chet at July 13th, 2006
Want to speed down the street? Sick of stopping at annoying red lights? Is the electronic man keeping you down? Your salvation is at hand! Just spray some PhotoBlocker spray on your car’s plates and away you go. Sorry, I can’t help you with the flesh and blood man, for that you are on your own. Try acting sexy! On sale now at amazon.
Posted by chet at June 23rd, 2006
Huggableuns.com sells urns in the shape of teddy bears, cats and dogs. But those sizes are for your kids. If you want to hug your dead husband, you need to get the huggable urn pillow size. Yes, what better way to show your love for your Ex than by having your aunt Elma stuff her fat ass on his urn pillow while she tries to work off that cramp?
The bears come with an angled winged version for $99 or a wingless version for $85. Lets face it, half those snotty little kids are going straight to hell, so why waste $14 on the wings when you know they are just make believe?
While some of this might sound a little cheesy, don’t worry this is a classy company. A new product honors our fallen soldiers. You can put the bear in a military shirt (that only ads $10 to the order). And I know what you are thinking… but hey, this can’t be for fallen soldiers because the bears are not for normal adult amount of ashes. Yeah? What about the midgets serving in the military you size racist!?!?
Posted by chet at May 16th, 2006
Little Stevie looking a little too happy these days, a little too laid back? Did sneaking around and poking through his sock drawer not give you any clues? Not wanting to confront him directly? Or heaven forbid, actually talk to one of your kids?
We have the solution for you. Test your kids hair for drugs thanks to Test Country.
And don’t worry, if your little brat shaved his head to avoid testing - you can use body hair!
Posted by chet at April 2nd, 2006
Buy it here.
Who knew, that every early twenties girls favorite movie has an action figure? No it isn’t leo on a boat, and it isn’t even the lead in the movie. But the mysterious Freank the Bunny from the movie Donnie Darko. And if that alone wasn’t cool enough, this figure has sound. According to the specs, “Frank speaks key movie phrases from the film…play them again and again for guidance.”
That is actually better advice than listening to the director’s commentary of the movie which will just leave you wondering how you ever liked that stupid movie in the first place.
Posted by chet at March 27th, 2006
Did you ever want to cremate your pet and then carry around their ashes in a stuffed animal designed to look just like them? QUIT LYING!!! You know you have wanted it, and finally now there is a company providing this high demand sevices - comfort pets.
Okay, so freak out aside, I bet there is a part of you admiring Comfort Pets. You are probably thinking they have a staff of talented toy makers ready to create the exact likeness of your beloved pet. Think again. From their site:
But don’t worry, they are expensive stuffed animals…
Posted by chet at March 13th, 2006
First, thank god they have all colors. If you are stuck with a glass eye at least there can be some benefit. Your eye can match your outfit. And these aren’t the crazy shaped civil war era eyes you see flooding the fake eye market, these are quality German made eyes.
These eyes were supposedly made by a German Craftsman pre WWII and traded with a Chicago eyemaker for shoes, clothing and food. Included is a business card from the Chicago eyemaker where he claims to be one of the few eyemakers who make both made to order glass eyes, and made to order plastic eyes. He needs to add, also have mass produced, lucky to fit Nazis eyes! Some people just don’t know how to market.
Posted by chet at March 12th, 2006
Why? Pretty simple, the features.
“Electronic interactive chimp really hugs you“
Yep, that’s right. A real hug. Not one of those fake, I can’t remember who you actually are fake hugs that happen at your Aunt’s funeral. Or not even one of those, we are brother and sister so this hug should me something, but honestly you are have gone a little insane so hugging you is a scary, hugs. A real hug.
And not just a real hug, a real hug from a chimp.
“Claps hands, feeds on bottle, even giggles when tickled in the right spot”
I think we are all hoping the same thing on what that right spot is.
“Feeds from his banana bottle and makes realistic baby chimp sounds”
My realistic sounds would be those of horror and pain as I test cosmetics on its eyes, but I would guess that their baby chimps sounds are not that far off. And a banana bottle? Everyone loves a banana, okay, almost everyone.
“This cuddly little baby chimp comes with special adoption certificate”
Nothing says pathetic like a fake adoption certificate hung proudly on your wall for your stuffed animal. Chicks will dig that level of pathetic.
“For ages 4 yrs. and up”
We have that covered.
And if worst comes to worst, you can always rip off the head and add it to your roomba.
Buy it Here